Young at Heart

I like when my husband flirts with me.

It's true he still flirts like a 16 year old boy
and part of me wants to tell him you're not supposed to hit and pester the girl you like when you're in your 30's . . .
but
. . . the other part of me is still a 16 year old girl who giggles and plays coy, gets giddy and keeps her mouth shut because, let's face it, any attention from the boy you like is quite nice.

Possibly my new favorite scripture... ;-)

2 Nephi 9:51
"... and let your soul delight in fatness."

okay . . . so it's out of context . . . but still worth a chuckle.

Dec 16, 1937--Feb 8, 2010

(I'm re-posting a note from facebook dated January 31, 2010)

My dad's sister is two years older than him and just arrived with her husband and youngest daughter. Sitting on my dad's bedside, holding his hand, my dad says, "I can't believe it. I just can't believe I'm going to see mom and dad soon." Aunt Donna says (and I wish you could hear her tone--disappointed, I suppose), "I know. . . . You just have to rub it in; you'll get there before me." Everyone laughs loudly and the conversation continues on the serious topic but with a calm and natural air that includes the humor we all share. I smirk as I listen, shaking my head, thinking, "always sibling rivalry--even in death." And that's a comforting thought because it means nothing changes. I'm glad I'm here for moments like these. And oh the reminiscing! I never thought I would laugh so hard at my father's death bed. Last night Ben and I were lying in bed and he says, "there are a lot of funny stories here." "Yes," I said emphatically, "There are!" Like Jeff's story of a fight he had with Becky that involved a pitcher of water and him on a toilet. LOL :-D Thanks for sharing that one! It made Dad's laugh shake the water bed, that deep silent chuckle.

He's checking his messages frequently everyone. He was flipping out and had us all looking for his glasses because he had received a text. And when he is too weak, we read them to him. He checks facebook easily on his iPhone and even asked us how to reply to messages on his wall. He likes to read them and being surrounded by his extended family is making him stronger. Not physically stronger, not really. But spiritually and emotionally stronger, which does affect his energy and skin tone. He was feeling good and said yesterday, "I can't believe I'm going to die." I smiled . . . and thought about the help he needs to sit up, or the way he gets winded rolling over to take a sip of soda (the one I didn't spill ;-). Or the way his body looks older because of the dramatic weight loss. He felt good enough to eat dinner in the kitchen, but had to be wheeled to the kitchen after getting help into his wheel chair. Sitting there across from him at the dinner table, I thought, "he looks like Grandpa Mackley." And I knew.

So keep the messages coming. They strengthen him a lot. He doesn’t understand what's happening, really. He knows this is the end, but he doesn't understand the effects on his body. He just knows love. And he needs lots of it. And love is what he feels from his big sister as she banters with him. And love is what he feels as his mom and dad prepare for him. And love is what he will feel when they embrace him. And love is what we'll feel as we let him go. Such overwhelming love.

Walk Tall, You're a Daughter of God

(words and music by Jamie Glenn)

Right now I have a prayer deep within my heart,

A prayer for each of you there is a special part

That you remember who you are and him who lives above.

Please seek for him and live his way; you'll feel his love.

(Chorus)

Walk tall, you're a daughter, a child of God.

Be strong; please remember who you are.

Try to understand; you're part of his great plan.

He's closer than you know. Reach up; he'll take your hand.

Long before the time you can remember,

Our Father held you in his arms so tender.

Those loving arms released you as he sent you down to earth.

He said, My child, I love you. Don't forget your great worth.

Chorus

This life on earth we knew would not be easy.

At times we lose our way, his path we may not see.

But please remember always, please that you are not alone.

He'll take your hand. He loves you! He will guide you home.

Chorus

Wandering Home

We're wandering home as time glideth by and weaveth its garland of years.

To a beautiful home and better by far than this one in this valley of tears.

Wandering home. Wandering home. Soon we will wander no more.

And, oh, may we meet each other at last, at home on that Heavenly shore.

So I've been thinking . . .

(Still no current pictures. Camera broke before Christmas.)

What's been on my mind the past few days? I'm glad you asked.

Running
Well I've been training for a half-marathon that my family and I will be running in St. Louis on April 10th. I'm still trying to solidify the lessons I've learned through my 50 pound weight loss journey! I still worry about gaining it all back and I'm obsessed with how to maintain this for the rest of my life. So what do I do? Train for a half-marathon. :-\ Such a naive move. Now I'm burning more calories and inevitably building muscle so my nutrition needs are completely different! (Okay so maybe not "completely" different, but I'm still so new at this healthy living stuff that it might as well be.) I guess I thought this exercise wouldn't be too different from what I was doing before, but I was wrong. Naive. I'm learning though. Endurance training requires a certain amount of fuel. Without the proper fuel, a person (or just me) can become light headed and nautious. So I (temporarily--not lifestyle change) need more calories at a time when I'm afraid "more calories" means I'll gain the weight back. Needless to say, I'm becoming a student of proper nutrition. And I will be stronger because of what I learn through this experience. One big similarity; my whole weight loss journey has been a mental one and so is this half-marathon training. On a proud note, I am "comfortably" running 3 miles in 36 min several times a week. I have run 4.5 miles without stopping! (That's just my record, by the way, not something to really brag about because I probably would have passed out if I tried to push it any further.) On a side note, I'm really glad I'm doing this, but if I had my preferences, I would NEVER run more than a mile at a time. I don't think I was meant to be an endurance runner.

Snow
Lots of it. Today is our 7th snow day total for our school district. We actuallly only had a big snow once with about a foot of accumulation. We were in for a blizzard this week, but it blew just north of us at the last minute. Instead we got an inch of ice. I'll take the foot of snow over and inch of ice anyday. Have you ever tried shoveling an inch of ice off your sidewalk and driveway?! If you have, you're a novice because you should have used knee pads and a chisle! ;-) Actually there's quite a technique to salting and shoveling in order to see the pavement. Exhausting. And it's not like the kids can go out and play in it . . . they would need a hammer to break up the snow first. However, sledding can be quite an adventure. I guess we're home today (3rd day in a row) because of the dangerous wind chill temps. Well below freezing. This has been such a strange and extreme winter for us. Next year will probably be unseasonally warm. Go figure.

Dad
My dad passed away almost a year ago. On the evening of Feb 8, 2010. Life seems pretty normal and things just move on . . . until you remember a year ago today he was put on hospice. It was like a count down in my mind. "Three more days until I got the call. I remember where I was when I got the call. Two more days. I was teaching music at Wyland. One more day. We were making plans to go out for Ben's birthday. Today. Today. A year ago today I recieved news that my dad was dying." Since then I've been reliving the day to day emotional process I went through last year. The countdown was the most depressing. Once I entered the memories of his last week I perked up. Jan 3oth: Went to see Avatar in 3D. Jan 31st (Sunday): laid by my dad as he received numerous visitors. He greets them with smiles and humor and songs and funny stories. "Am I really going to die?" Two close friends from the Stake visit that night and it touches my dad and humbles him. I get to have my alone moment with him as everyone walks those visitors out. That moment becomes my personal treasure to ponder and hold in my heart. Feb 2nd: Dad's last temple session. He was SO excited on the drive down. He vomitted just as the first session started and we had to do a separate session. He wasn't sure he would be able to finish a whole session, but he did. What a rowdy and happy bunch we were in the celestial room! We tried to whisper, honestly we did. But it just turned out to be that kind of annoying loud whisper people do . . . and we couldn't stop laughing. How "irreverant". Scandalous even. But we couldn't help it. I wonder if it looked disrespectful to the people watching or simply purely joyful. The celestial room is a beautiful and reverant place to ponder and feel the Spirit. But heaven is what we experienced that day in that room. If you think you are going to pass on into some beautiful, quiet, pensive, reverant place, you are wrong. There will be loud whispers, laughing, and joyful reunion. Feb 3rd: Back to work for us today. Over the next few days we will drive down to Sullivan every night and sit with my dad. "Am I really dying? Do you really think I'm going to die?! Do you?" He asks everyone who visits. He asks each of us in turn. It becomes difficult to say over and over again, "You're dying Dad." Feb 7th: It seems like it's taking forever! He doesn't complain (except maybe about people touching his feet) but I know he is uncomfortable, in pain. He looks thinner. He is weak. He's ready to go and asks John to pray for him to die. We're all thinking, "Let if be over already!" Ben and I decide to go home again. It's Sunday night and we don't know how long he will be with us. But how long can you keep taking off work and keep your children in that environment. It could still take a while, maybe weeks. We decide it would be best for us to try to keep some normalcy and routine. It's been a long 10days. We go home. We decide not to return Monday night. Not yet. I tuck the girls into bed and read Daila a story. Suddenly I think about him. I stop reading and check my phone. 8:20. "I wonder how he's doing?" 8:30 I get a text from Dad . . . but it's not Dad. It's John. Dad's passed away. Relief. He's not in pain! He's gone. He's with his mom. Sorrow. I'm not there. He's not there. It's over. It went by so fast.

Snow Storm

Just before Christmas, Daila was taking secret silly pictures of Anna. When Anna caught her she turned to chase her and Daila tripped. Yep . . . you guessed it . . . camera broke. Ben and I looked at buying a replacement right away, but we fell in love with a fancy schmancy one and decided it was high time we purchased a decent camera for our family. But that means we have to save up a bit for it and that means we are camera-less. :( So all we have to record our memories are our cell phone cameras.

Last night St. Louis was hit with a huge winter storm. Here's a pic of our front yard so far:

Missouri has frequent snow days. Largely due to rural communities, gravel roads, hilly terrain, and ice. Sometimes school is cancelled for what appears to be no reason because the roads don't seem too bad. Sometimes it's because a big, continuous, winter storm is expected, but our area gets passed by the bulk of it. So I could understand why Ben was surprised that they called off school last night. And he hadn't looked outside when he asked me this morning, "Are you sure there's no school today."

He went out to shovel the walk and clear off his car for work and it was still snowing. He came back in and said he would work from home today. :) "There's just too much snow, it would take too much time to shovel it now."

This is the snow storm of every kid's dreams. Who knows . . . maybe this storm brought us TWO snow days! Only time will tell . . .

Human Nerf Targets

Nerf Target (a.k.a Janae) How close can you shoot? Lol.

Janae is very brave. She got hit a couple of times too. :)You should have seen Daila! She was a great sport! And Ben got very, very close to her cheek. It was hilarious. She just giggled as the dart whisked past her hair and hit the board with a smack.

Happy New Hair!

Daila's First "Real" Haircut

Daila decided she wanted to cut her hair short. She was tired of it getting in her face, getting static-y, getting washed and tangled, getting messy at school and falling out during nap, and basically just getting in the way. So I told her about Locks of Love. She was very excited and all for it. She thought it was a great idea to let someone who didn't have hair, have her hair that she didn't want. It just makes sense. "Maybe even my other grandpa who doesn't have hair on top but some on the sides!" (Wouldn't he look funny with a toupe made from Daila's blonde locks.) :) Well once she got the idea in her head, she just wouldn't stop talking about it. We got her to wait until after Christmas and then we took her to a salon.

No more ponytails. :(

No more buns. :(

No more princess curls. :(

No more Rapunzel songs. :(

No more braids. :(

But happy smiles all around. From Daila . . . and from lucky recipients of golden highlights of young healthy hair. I'd say it was a pretty successful haircut.