If the job gets to tough, can you quit Motherhood?

Right now I wish there was an "I quit!" clause to motherhood.

I know, I know . . . I'm glad you can't really quit or we would all be walking around motherless. But I can only take so many tough days in a row . . . . and I had no idea how badly a little person (that sweet, innocent sleeping babe) could hurt your feelings. I thought the love I had for my daughters would buffer me, offer me some sort of protection from such pain. But no. It doesn't work that way. And they are still so young! Do I have what it takes to make it through puberty?! I wonder sometimes.

I was reading God Wants a Powerful People by Sheri Dew, and she tells a story about a friend's family. She was illustrating the fact that God often does take us past our limits to remind us we can't do it without Him and we should turn to Him first. The story she tells is about a friend who has 7 kids and a husband who is often out of town for his job. When he is home, he is usually busy with his duties in the Stake Presidency. One particularly difficult night, while he was away, she asked him on the phone "Remind me...Why did we have 7 kids?" He replies, "Because God knew we could handle 6."

I don't know how they do it! I've often thought about our General Authorities; the kind of men they are; their families; what it "would take" to be a General Authority. These type of musings are usually good for me because it helps me put things back into perspective, square-up my shoulders and get back to work doing the right thing. But I never thought in detail about the woman, the matriarch, behind the righteous man. How lonely it must be for her! How overwhelming! I know (because I know how God works) that she and her family are infinitely blessed for offering their patriarch to the Lord as a sacrifice. But I still can't fathom what that would be like. It's amazing to me...truly amazing. What a gift of love and understanding. And the crazy thing is . . . part of me wants that opportunity; to be worthy of that test. Even while I'm cursing my calling as Mother. :-/ (Sheesh I'm sounding a little psychotic.) But I guess that's all part of the job description. (And it makes you wonder why we ever agreed to it.)

And although I began this post to whine and complain about how fed up I am with trying to raise kids, I find myself knowing in my heart that it is all a gift of love. Part of our journey of life. And no matter how badly I'm hurt, I will embrace my child and love her more each day and even then, it is only a fraction of God's love for her. ha! I wanted to have a pity party and I've ended up hoping my personal weakness doesn't screw up my sweet daughter's chances for success in life. What a strange life we lead.

Really, I'm truly blessed.

Spring Snowstorm and Crazy Weather

Even with all our snow days, we still had a week off for Spring Break. I admit, it was a very relaxing and much needed break. The girls and I got to spend 4 days in Sullivan with Grandma. Daila was a trooper as she got two cavities filled. I also got to run in the middle of the day while the kids played at the park! (So nice not having to wake up at the crack of dawn or stay up til midnight to get in my run.) We also made it to the zoo and did a little spring cleaning. A wonderful week overall.
And then the weekend before we have to return to school we get 6 inches of snow. How crazy is that?!


With the recent earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan, I'm really starting to wonder about the weather. Natural disasters seem to be occurring in greater frequency. It gives me so much to think about.

I really enjoyed my 6 mile run yesterday morning. I think I'm a 10k girl. And no races please. It's so much more fun not stressing about pace; just letting your own purpose propel you.

Reminiscing on my Fall

The day before Memorial Day 2010, I was carrying a tiny cup of tylenol down to the basement for Daila who had a fever. I lost my footing on the stairs and landed on my head on the concrete floor. I nearly blacked out, had a major headache and probably a concussion.

Bruised my hand pretty good. And my right knee (I still have a mark.)

Here is my nasty goose egg on June 2, 2010. I cracked my head open and it bled a lot. I lost all the hair around the little wound and it has been growing back slowly and sticking up like a little tuft of a mohawk.

Here it is now! My hair has grown back quite a bit! But it does this annoying Superman curl thing that drives me nuts. I have to pin it back and use hairspray cuz it pokes up with a mind of it's own all the time.

Just a reminder of that scary fall (still freaks me out) and how maybe I have a little Superman in me after all. :)

I'm So Glad When MOMMY Comes Home!!!

Today was a teacher work day. The girls didn't have school today so they got to stay home with Dad while I had to go in for Professional Development.
This is how I was greeted when I came home from work today:



I love my Sweet Cheeks. :)

Training Update

Distance running is really difficult for me. I wouldn't say it's "fun". I wouldn't say it gives me an "adrenaline rush". But I can say I enjoy the challenge. It's really hard, but I still manage to give it my best effort. I don't think I would have been able to do this mentally, physically, or emotionally, if I hadn't learned some of those lessons through my weight loss efforts. I'm realizing the lessons I've learned would fall under the category of "power over yourself". Because I am my own worst enemy.

It's painful. But I think I'm finally hitting my stride (no pun intended). I'm finally able to increase my pace and I'm excited by that achievement. I can't increase it much, because every little change seems to make a huge difference in endurance running . . . "in the long run". (haha! Okay the pun was intended that time.)

Last Saturday I ran 10 miles in an hour and 55 min. I walked some, but my average pace was still more than 5 miles an hour. A huge fete for me! 11.5 min miles. Kinda cool. I still have a long way to go to run that half-marathon on April 10th, but at least it seems less hopeless. I may even enjoy the first half of the race before the pain of my hips and legs distracts me. I have made huge progress in my attitude and abilities and I'm confident I will preform well the day of the race. I've been working hard, giving it my best, no matter how daunting it feels at the time. And that sense of accomplishment is all the reward I'll need. To cross the finish line knowing it was my best effort in a difficult task that didn't come easy to me and that wasn't always "fun", will be my crowning achievement.

I don't consider myself a "runner", because they seem to enjoy it so much. But maybe, just maybe, they feel the same way as me. Or maybe some of them do. Running is hard and it isn't fun; but being able to overcome that and perform well in spite of it feels amazing.