True Love

"I will encircle thee in the arms of my love." D&C 6:20

I miss my dad the most when I feel the closest to him. That is also when I am most at peace with my emotions. The love I share with him makes my dad seem very nearby. Despite everything that is going on around me, and the many things I busy myself with, these experiences with my dad are most often on my mind.

It's all still so tender and I'm hesitant to share the details of how I feel with anyone. I believe pondering these things in my heart keeps the experiences sacred. But I am just not motivated to blog about anything else right now. Even though we have a lot of exciting things going on; like Spring Break and remodeling the bathroom. (It's all gutted at the moment.) I'll post some before and after pics later. But for now, I'm blogging for myself.

My mom and dad really love each other. They are an amazing example. My mom is still praying for my dad. She is asking Heavenly Father to help Dad be successful and feel confident in whatever his new calling is or whatever new task he has. How sweet is that?! I love how selfless she is trying to be. "At the heart of the message of the Savior of the world is a single, glorious, wonderful, still largely untried concept. In its simplest terms the message is that we should seek to overcome the selfishness we all seem to be born with, that we should overcome human nature and think of others before self." (James E. Faust, "A Pattern of Love," Ensign, Dec 1999.)

What is true love? I believe the answer is a little different for each individual case. But I know it is good, and that good things are from God. The fruits will testify of its goodness, but only after the hard work of the sowing and planting. "Every person who comes to earth is a spirit son or daughter of God. Since all love emanates from God, we are born with the capacity and desire to love and to be loved. One of the strongest connections we have with our premortal life is how much our Father and Jesus loved us and how much we loved Them. Even though a veil was drawn over our memory, whenever we sense true love, it awakens a longing that cannot be denied." (John H. Groberg, "The Power of God's Love," Ensign, Nov 2004.)

Do you sense true love? I do. I have felt that longing awaken inside my soul. And I'm not talking about the romantic Austen novel type love. Just pure love. I have felt that love for a person I hardly knew. Have you? Perhaps they've just stood to bear their testimony, or opened their heart to you to vulnerably share a struggle they've had, or helped you when they saw you with your hands full, or simply spoke with genuine, tangible sincerity. And the veil grew thin, and the love poured in, and you felt "I love everyone!" If you can feel pure love for a near stranger then how much stronger is that love for someone you share everyday with? True love is connected to the other side. It is connected to deity. It emanates from our Heavenly Father.

My mom and dad really love each other. When I sense it, it awakens a longing that cannot be denied. A longing that is answered in selflessness; for the more I give, the more I have. I am truly blessed.

Celebrations

Here are a few things that I've gotten excited about over the past few weeks:

1. being "overweight" instead of "obese" on my Wii Fit! LOL :) Hey it's still a milestone and I'm really excited to be making any progress at all . . . although it did sound funny when I told Ben, "Yay! I'm overweight!"
2. being so very very close to a second milestone: my pre-baby weight range. Just 5 pounds more.
3. doing temple work with family, friends, independently . . . just being in the temple makes me feel close to my dad so I try to go often and I'm loving it.
4. going out to eat with Benny Boo-boo last month. I love date nights. We had one in January and one in February. That's a lot for us. I hope we can keep it up. ;-)
5. getting my 8 x 10 picture of Dad's last temple trip in the mail! Woohoo! What a memory . . . I can't wait to get it framed and on the wall so I can see it everyday.
6. walking 20 miles my first week of owning a treadmill. I've exercised 5-6 days a week since I got that thing and its fabulous.
7. cleaning out the Nursery closet on my day off and updating the bulletin board with photos and all.
8. watching Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs in the school gym with my wonderful girls. I just love having Mommy/Daughter moments like that.
9. getting the laundry done including folding it and putting it away! Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.

New Start

Okay. I'm tired of wearing my heart on my sleeve so I'm just typing a new post.
This is our first weekend home in about a month. It feels good. We ordered pizza tonight, and I did so good with my calories today I could've eaten 3 pieces! But, of course, I didn't. I also rented a couple of movies. I haven't rented a movie in about 8 months! woohoo! ;-) I shadowed my teacher friend, Amy, this week. I will be teaching her 3rd graders when she goes on maternity leave in 2 weeks. I will be their teacher for the remainder of the year. That will be fun (I think I'll like 3rd grade curriculum) and much better pay. We could use that. I am also studying for a Praxis exam in April which will give me certification to teach from birth through 3rd grade (if I pass it) in addition to my ElEd certification. And I'm looking forward to going back to our Ward and my little nursery friends at church. We have all kinds of good things happening that we can focus on. So I better get off this computer and watch that movie with my sweetie. See ya! :-p

Honoring Dad

Dad often said, "Once a Marine, always a Marine."Semper Fidelis! . . .

. . . "always faithful."

"Brightly beams our Father's mercy from his lighthouse evermore, but to us he gives the keeping of the lights along the shore.

Let the lower lights be burning; send a gleam across the wave. Some poor fainting, struggling seaman you may rescue, you may save.

Trim your feeble lamp, my brother; some poor sailor, tempest-tossed, trying now to make the harbor, in the darkness may be lost.

Let the lower lights be burning; send a gleam across the wave. Some poor fainting, struggling seaman you may rescue, you may save."
Hymn #335

My dad followed our Father's lighthouse and let his light burn for those struggling along the shore. Even in his last week of life, he gave priesthood blessings to branch members, shared much needed messages from Heavenly Father, and taught us the importance of eternities through temple service. He rescued many "fainting, struggling seaman" and continues to save me. I have a new, stronger commitment to honor both my father and my Father in Heaven.

Theo Dewayne Hamblin 12/16/37-2/8/10

My dad passed away tonight at 8:20 pm. Here is his favorite poem about death:

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

Then, someone at my side says, "There, she is gone." Gone where? Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side. And, she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me -- not in her.

And, just at the moment when someone says, "There, she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!" And that is dying.

~Henry Van Eyck

Early Morning Thoughts

My dad's sister is two years older than him and just arrived with her husband and youngest daughter. Sitting on my dad's bedside, holding his hand, my dad says, "I can't believe it. I just can't believe I'm going to see mom and dad soon." Aunt Donna says (and I wish you could hear her tone--disappointed, I suppose), "I know. . . . You just have to rub it in; you'll get there before me." Everyone laughs loudly and the conversation continues on the serious topic but with a calm and natural air that includes the humor we all share. I smirk as I listen, shaking my head, thinking, "always sibling rivalry--even in death." And that's a comforting thought because it means nothing changes.

I'm glad I'm here for moments like these. And oh the reminiscing! I never thought I would laugh so hard at my father's death bed. Last night Ben and I were laying in bed and he says, "there are a lot of funny stories here." "Yes," I said emphatically, "There are!" Like Jeff's story of a fight he had with Becky that involved a pitcher of water and him on a toilet. LOL :-D Thanks for sharing that one! It made Dad's laugh shake the water bed, that deep silent chuckle. He's checking his messages frequently everyone. He was flipping out and had us all looking for his glasses because he had received a text. And when he is too weak, we read them to him. He checks facebook easily on his iPhone and even asked us how to reply to messages on his wall. He likes to read them and being surrounded by his extended family is making him stronger. Not physically stronger, not really. But spiritually and emotionally stronger, which does affect his energy and skin tone.

He was feeling good and said yesterday, "I can't believe I'm going to die." I smiled . . . and thought about the help he needs to sit up, or the way he gets winded rolling over to take a sip of soda (the one I didn't spill ;-). Or the way his body looks older because of the dramatic weight loss. He felt good enough to eat dinner in the kitchen, but had to be wheeled to the kitchen after getting help into his wheel chair. Sitting there across from him at the dinner table, I thought, "he looks like Grandpa Mackley." And I knew. So keep the messages coming. They strengthen him a lot. He doesn't understand what's happening, really. He knows this is the end, but he doesn't understand the effects on his body. He just knows love. And he needs lots of it. And love is what he feels from his big sister as she banters with him. And love is what he feels as his mom and dad prepare for him. And love is what he will feel when they embrace him. And love is what we'll feel as we let him go. Such overwhelming love.

Dad: A Photo Journal

"How beautiful is that home where lives a man of godly manner, who loves those for whose nurture he is responsible, who stands before them as an example of integrity and goodness, who teaches industry and loyalty, not spoiling his children by indulging their every wish, but rather setting before them a pattern of work and service which will underpin their lives forever."

--Gordon B. Hinckley