Celebrating the 4th of July

Our 4th of July weekend was phenomenal. I won a free weekend hotel stay in a drawing at work. I was going to surprise Ben with it for our anniversary, but my babysitter plans fizzled at the last moment. So instead, we surprised the girls with it on Saturday night (July 2nd). We checked in at 3 and went swimming and snacked on complimentary popcorn. Daila loves to swim. But she's never stayed in a hotel before. So when we first walked into the room, she hopped up on the first bed and said, "I'm sleeping here!" Then a moment later, "I changed my mind; I want to sleep first then swim." Hotels are sooo cool to kids. ;-) The hotel also provided a hot dinner (potato bar, mac n cheese, hot dogs, salad). After we ate, Ben went up to the room to watch UFC and the girls and I swam some more. Sunday morning was leisurely and a hot breakfast was once again provided by the hotel.

We went to Sullivan after checking out and drove around our old haunts in the state park. Ben and I showed the girls where we used to swim and go on float trips and we reminisced about grandpa. We told the girls how we would spend every summer at the river when we were growing up. And consequently, Ben decided we would start bringing the girls down there for a float trip every summer. With all our sight-seeing experiences in the city, I've completely neglected showing them the caves I grew up with. So that is also a new adventure on our list.

We spent the night at my mom's, watching movies and laughing. Monday morning we had a big traditional chuck wagon breakfast like Dave and I used to grow up with. He wanted to start it back up as a family tradition with Mom's help. So we had dutch oven potatoes, scrambled eggs, sausage links, fruit, pancakes, biscuits and gravy . . . I think I'm missing something. Anyway, it was a lot. :) Especially since we were heading over to Mary's in a couple of hours.

John and Mary's 4th of July bash is always a perfect day. Mary's mom rents the inflatable water slide and provides other goodies and games for the kiddos. While waiting in line for the water slide, and watching my brothers do flips down it, I said to Shelley, "You know, we don't really have any adults in this family." We had a good laugh. It's a perfect holiday to go back to your youthful ways. We also played giant beachball volleyball. And Dave taught everyone a new game called Pirates, Merchants, and Soldiers (which we missed). We went back up to the city to watch the fireworks display and do our own sparklers, glow bracelets, s'mores tradition.

Overall, I couldn't have asked for a better weekend with my family.

I Wish I had a Friend Like That

Let me paint the picture...

It was about 6:30 pm after a particularly irritating (and consequently exhausting) afternoon of babysitting. Ben comes in from Home Depot and as he gets his dinner from the crockpot and sits down to eat I say, "So. This is what happened... I just need to complain for a bit." He listens quietly and nods in understanding. And after spewing out all my bitterness and frustration, I feel much better. He goes to begin his project outside and I get something to eat (which helps my mood considerably too). ;-) As I'm moving the laundry to the dryer he comes in and says, "Hi Sexy. Wanna hug?" What's the catch? Are you already hot and sweaty? "No." So he gives me a good hug, a bit playful as he ends it by reaching my armpits for a tickle. So after the dryer is started, I go outside where our girls are helping him with his project and I say, "Your dad listened to all my complaining without saying a word and then he gave me a big hug. He is a good friend." Anna says, "I wish I had a friend like that." And Ben, without looking up from his work says, "You do. ....Your dad."

It May Be the Last

It's interesting to think about emotions; about the physical and spiritual. Where would scientists claim emotions are felt? In the heart? There is no medical evidence of any physical attribute which causes emotion there. In the mind? Perhaps, due to the production of certain hormones our body releases under certain circumstances, which our mind then perceives or interprets as a "feeling". But I must say it makes more sense that they are felt, even generated by our spirit.

And how unusual that a phenomenon that can't be "proven", only felt, can so acutely effect us physically. As I was thinking about my dad and looking at old pictures of him, my heart swelled, my eyes grew moist, and I swear I began to feel a pain in my chest. Not really "heart broken", but not pleasant either. Like the emotion got to be too much for my physical body to bear. But how strange for me to feel it in my chest; to feel it in my heart. Even now the feeling lingers. And it feels like a presence; a spirit or spirits who are near. Not necessarily my dad's . . . perhaps even my own. But I'm not alone. I wonder if spirits are present with every emotion we feel. Perhaps. Perhaps just the deep, true emotions. But as I think back on times of great fatigue, sorrow, happiness, joy, depression, confusion, overwhelm, intrigue, uncertainty, contentment, etc I have never felt alone; I have felt I shared those emotions with someone, even if I was alone, physically, at the time. Or is it that we are never alone, but only when we are emotional are we sensitive enough to notice?

I have changed . . . no evolved . . . so much the past year and a half. Physically (50 pounds lighter, a bit more gray hair, and more visible laugh lines, a.k.a wrinkles), mentally (I've had so much to think about and learn from life), and spiritually. I feel like I did in my teen years. I'm not sure who I am, then I see who I am again, and then I have to get used to who I am and understand myself. It's not unlike a butterfly metamorphisis. I am content. More content with who I am than I have ever been, but life's trials and my insecurities remain unchanged. Perhaps the contentment stems from my new knowledge of the afterlife.

This life is all too short, you know. Just a drop in the bucket. While watching the reunion slideshow my cousins made, I was overcome by all the memories I've had and the things I've learned from them and the person I became as a result of them. It was overwhelming in a positive way. I felt so blessed to have those memories and to be the person I am. But then I thought about my other memories . . . the ones I was forced to forget when I was born on this earth. What will it be like to remember them as well? What pride and pleasure it will be to see the true timeline of my existence! There is no way we could physically bear those memories because of the emotions they would evoke. Not in our present physical state.

I know I should also be fearful (and I am) about my future. Knowing so well that life is short, will I be prepared for my judgment? No. Never. It is frightening. But I can't be paralized or overwhelmed by that fear . . . that would just be self-fulfilling prophesy. I can only continue on putting my best foot forward, and making mistakes, and picking myself up again, and continuing forward... always willing to humbly learn from my own faults... always willing to do the work required to be better.

My view on life is certainly evolving too. Every moment feels like it could be the last. Not that I have to run off and build homes for the homeless or see the Eiffel Tower, or even spend every moment with my loved ones. . . (that would be exhausting). :) But I can live each moment with more emotion, more intent, more knowledge, more purpose... more spiritual understanding. I can live my life in such a way that my spirit (the "me" who remembers much, much more than what can be recalled by photographs) can be content. Not "proud", because I am too insecure by nature; too hard on myself; too unsure; too many faults; too many mistakes. But content in knowing that I'm trying my best in this weakened state. My dad doubted his life. And he was a wonderful man. Doubted that he did enough to pass God's judgment. So I'm sure I will always feel that way too. But we don't give up. We know what we need to do. And we find joy in it.

That is my way of living each moment of my short life, like it may be the last.

Anna and a Boy

So this special cake arrived today . . . from a boooyyy. oooohh. lol

Apparently there is a boy at church who is very aware of Anna, her birthday, and even her favorite color! I'm not sure how I feel about this . . . . but it is kinda cute and extremely thoughtful. Jack made this two-layer chocolate with buttercream frosting personal birthday cake for Anna and had his dad drive him here to deliver it on her birthday. Anna was certainly flattered and overwhelmed. She didn't know how to respond and seemed a little embarrassed by all the attention. But we eased the tension by teasing her mercilessly after they left. :) lol
Happy Birthday, Anna! ;-)

Chillin out in St. Louis

Our Sunday on the Riverfront

The river may seem high, but I'm sitting at the water level of the great flood of '93 to take this picture. Now that was one crazy flood...

The Mississippi is kinda high.....

Hey you may not want to park here . . . you could get towed. Yeah towed out to sea by the Mississippi River. :-D

This is the road by the landing. There are stairs that you can walk down to the lower parking by the river's edge . . . just beyond that chain/pillar fence.

I just took this with my phone. It was surreal having the girls play with a backdrop like that.

This is the view from the hill where the girls were playing. Such a beautiful family day!

Anna's Digital Fairy Tale

The Three Teachers

written, illustrated, produced, directed, and read by Anna Voelkel

You know education has changed since you were little when your fifth grader asks you for a flash drive so she can bring home a copy of her class assignment. Soon a flash drive will be on her school supply list. :)

At least it gives me the opportunity to share this wonderful, original masterpiece by my very own Anna Voelkel.

A Common Complaint

Disclaimer: Even though I'm writing this post in complaint, I know there are certain aspects for which I cannot complain. So with my gratitude intact for my weightloss, here is what I have to say:

I HATE SWIMSUIT SHOPPING!!!

First of all, WHY must everything be a two piece?!? I know a tankini covers your midsection and we may as well just put all modesty standards aside, because two pieces means you have 2 . . . TWO! . . . two pieces of clothing to now fit your body. Not to mention the options. I tried regular bottoms, boy shorts, board shorts, regular shorts, skirts, skirt with wrap, skirt with rouging, wraps . . . and did you know that each one of those vary in size?
(Please note I haven't even mentioned the tops which also vary in sizes and styles and must all be tried on to insure proper fit.)

Second, WHY did a size 6 dress skirt fit me today while I had to opt for a size 12 swimsuit? Listen up swimsuit manufacturers! Just mark the swimsuit a few sizes smaller than they really are please. You will make thousands of women happier. Happy women=increased sales. Duh. C'mon people.

Last reason for hating swimsuit shopping (probably most people's #1) . . . body image. While I was putting my jeans back on, Anna says (Oh and I won't even get into the humiliation of having to try on swimsuits with a peanut gallery of honest little girls) so Anna says, "Are those new jeans?" "No Anna, my body just looks better covered up." Especially after having to look at it in those unflattering, tight-fitting, ill-fitting excuses of modern swimwear for so long. I hope I didn't scar my daughters for life.

So as all shopping trips go, I came out successful. *insert dripping sarcasm* I will just wear my old swimsuit for one more summer . . . or two . . . or however long I can possibly make it last, cuz I don't think I can endure another day like this for quite some time.